09 Oct The Need to Be Liked: How Does Science Explain It

It is normal to want to be liked, to want to belong, and to be accepted for who you are. But when does wanting to be liked start being a toxic trait?  

It becomes an unhealthy pattern when wanting to be liked takes precedence over your personal comfort, your own values, and even your own wishes, leading to excessive self-sacrifice.  

If you have been disregarding your own needs for others, you might be exhibiting people-pleasing behaviors.  

How People-Pleasing Harms Your Health  

More women experience people-pleasing tendencies as compared to men, according to a study.  

It was rooted in the status quo, wherein girls are expected to be more obedient than boys. One study found that the societal pressure on girls to be more obedient led to them being better at following instructions in the classroom, even when those directions were wrong.  

Boys, on the other hand, were found to have found new solutions beyond what they had been taught, according to a 2024 study.  

The study also found that girls scored higher for people-pleasing than boys when it comes to maintaining positive relationships.  

A 2025 study highlighted that people-pleasing behaviors have a negative impact on one’s psychological health.  

People-pleasing behavior can manifest as:  

• Making attempts to avoid abandonment  

• Conforming to dangerous or unsafe behaviors  

• Disregarding yourself and your needs for others  

• Lack of boundaries  

• Apologizing excessively to others  

• Rarely expressing criticism and disagreeing with others  

People pleasers may also have feelings of inadequacy and might often tie their self-worth to external validation, which can cause anxiety and depression.   

You might also have weaker relationships, have increased stress levels, and lack authenticity in your life.  

Although people-pleasing behavior is rooted in the desire to be accepted and validated, it can also be caused by other factors, such as emotional dependence and trauma response.  

People-Pleasing Behaviors Causes  

If you’ve had a traumatic experience, you might exhibit fawning as a complex trauma response.  

Fawning is usually used by people who have experienced sexual abuse in their childhood. It is characterized by appeasing their abuser to help calm down the situation.   

Emotional dependence can also be the reason behind people-pleasing behaviors.  

An earlier study suggested that those with emotional dependency may fear and avoid being alone and might engage in people-pleasing behaviors. They might also seek exclusivity in romantic relationships.  

Emotional dependence might lead to them abandoning their personal wishes or desires to accommodate others’ needs and wants to avoid any perceived abandonment.  

Can I Stop My People-Pleasing Tendencies?  

The first thing to do is to recognize the ways you self-abandon to accommodate other people’s needs. From there, you can start establishing boundaries, set your own goals and priorities, and remember that healthy relationships require give and take.  

Remember that being kind and thoughtful does not have to come with the price of forgetting about yourself, your needs, and desires.  

Know your non-negotiables and stick to them no matter what others will say. Advocating for yourself and your needs is the first step towards breaking the pattern of people-pleasing.  

At iCare, the best affordable HMO in the Philippines, we understand the need for advocating for people’s health needs, paving the way for Filipino care backed by Singaporean expertise.  

Know more about iCare here https://icare.com.ph/