28 Aug Why Stability Can Sometimes Feel Unsettling
Stability can look like a structured routine, decisions made in clarity, not in hurry, or planning the future without dread due to predictability.
The other spectrum of stability can also look like monotonous day-to-day plans, lack of flexibility, and predictability that can suddenly make life a bit dull, and suddenly you feel unsettled.
It can even feel like you are just coasting through life and letting boredom set in.
Why Stability Can Feel Uncomfortable
Sometimes our behavioral patterns and brains can be our biggest enemy. What kind of situation we are conditioned to endure or go through can leave an imprint on our brain and nervous system.
One of the reasons why stability brought by consistency can feel uncomfortable is unhealthy relationships with others.
One study cited that relationships that feel like emotional rollercoaster are more likely to experience a phenomenon called intermittent reinforcement.
Intermittent reinforcement is described as a reward given “sometimes” instead of being done consistently, which leads the person not to know when the next “rewarding experience” might come. Examples of intermittent reinforcement include hot and cold behavior, emotional abuse, social media usage, and gambling among others.
With intermittent reinforcement, the person keeps on chasing the next “hit” of a relationship high, which may lead them to hold onto the relationship despite the fact that there are more “bad” than good experiences.
Since the human brain is wired to seek out novel experiences, it will choose the unknown instead of choosing to entertain the consistent patterns in a healthy relationship. With relationships that feel like emotional rollercoasters, it can evoke anxiety and uncertainty, which can be misinterpreted as excitement, passion, and strong chemistry.
Your environment can also play a role in how you are always seeking the next big thing. If you have been used to being in a high-stress environment, may it be work or personal, you may have a problem adjusting to the calm of things, especially if you are constantly seeking a challenge.
No Rush to Feel OK
Being comfortable with calm can take patience and time to heal your unhealthy patterns, especially when it has been embedded in your system for a long time.
The first step to improving yourself is acknowledging where your faults may lie, no matter how difficult it may seem.
Here are some ways you can do to be more comfortable with calm:
- Be mindful of your thoughts and actions to avoid self-sabotage tendencies
- Engage more with your interests and hobbies
- Create something as your personal project
- Set new goals that are achievable
There are always new horizons to explore without having to dismantle your progress. At iCare, we understand the goal to be better. Your next new goal does not have to be a grand thing you can pursue; you can always start with something practical like your health.
iCare, the best affordable HMO, has healthcare solutions tailored-fit to every Filipino’s needs.
Think about us when setting your new goals. Start with your Better Health goals.
To know more about iCare, the top employer-approved HMO, visit https://icare.com.ph/
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3 Reasons Why Healthy Relationships Bore Some People | Psychology Today. (n.d.). Www.psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202212/3-reasons-you-feel-bored-by-a-healthy-relationship
Brown, S. (2025, June 19). What is intermittent reinforcement? How does it affect relationships? Rumie.org; Rumie. https://learn.rumie.org/jR/bytes/what-is-intermittent-reinforcement-how-does-it-affect-relationships/
Novelty Keeps Your Brain Healthy | CIIS. (2023). CIIS. https://www.ciis.edu/news/novelty-keeps-your-brain-healthy
